“Every instinct that is found in any man is in all men. The strength of the emotion may not be so overpowering, the barriers against possession not so insurmountable, the urge to accomplish the desire less keen. With some, inhibitions and urges may be neutralized by other tendencies. But with every being the primal emotions are there. All men have an emotion to kill; when they strongly dislike some one they involuntarily wish he was dead. I have never killed any one, but I have read some obituary notices with great satisfaction.”
Clarence Darrow, The Story of My Life
Is it natural to hate and want someone dead ? Like you cant stand a person and you wished they never existed. I have been in that phase before and now have outgrown attachment to hatred, resentment. It only affects you mentally and not the other person. No one cares if you like them or not. They still are the same way. No one is obliged to change for you. Once you realise this, perhaps you would stop wanting to make people behave a certain way and give into your standard of being.
I have had really negative thoughts about few people. When I say negative, I mean really inhuman thoughts about them. I wished the worst thing should happen to them on this earth. Then I realised, all that monstrosity was within me and not them. It is my importance given to them that made them all the more annoying than they actually were.
What if I was indifferent to their existence ? Just treat them like passers-by instead of some antagonists in my life. Isn’t my way of looking at them causing me more irritation and making me despise them ?
That was what I told myself and of course it took hell lot of time.
Eventually I lost the energy to hate anyone. I still have strong likes and dislikes but just that I am able to bear more people in a cordial way. Not that I was ever rude on face to anyone unless they did something to me. But I was mentally cursing them if their mere presence was poisonous to my well-being.
I guess maybe that is called emotional maturity or maybe evolving to a better state of mind.
But I’m glad I had these wanting-to-kill-someone palpable sensations before as it cleansed my soul. Now if I look back, I find it so silly.
We all should admit the murderer in our hearts as no one is immune to crime.
The only thing that differentiates between us normal people and those commit crimes is a presence of mind with conscience.
We all are butcherers at heart just pretending to be this noble soul who wants everyone’s good and upkeep.
Do yourself a favour. Face the real you and that actually makes you a better human being not by overlooking your natural primeval feelings. You can only become pure-hearted when you value the filth stored in your soul. You need yo get rid of it by actually being that ‘bad’ person for sometime and venting those emotions.