What am I ?

Sometimes I feel I am nothing more than a vain reflection of myself in the mirror. No it is not depression. It is more like being more grounded than having an inflated sense of self which I find hard to live upto.

We always strive for something beyond our self. Transcending the ego is one of the things we always would like to imbibe. It is more about finding your artistic personality, finding out what your specialty is and honing your craft. The process of knowing yourself is filled with lot of constant effort and disappointment. It isn’t something glamorous and definitely needs a little courage to face those inner demons. It is easy to write an essay about the glorified version of yourself but it is difficult to actually invest time knowing yourself. How do you know you are being truthful about yourself in an essay ?

You can start with your temperament. Like being honest with yourself about what kind of inborn nature you have since childhood.. something that is hard to change about yourself. I have a dreamy nature and love escaping into another world. I always have a hard time facing reality. I can be grounded yet there is an essence of this other worldliness that I like to carry with me wherever I am or go.

The ‘I’ factor is very important in our lives as we always insist on having an identity or associate everything that happens with us.

We should matter in this life and world. Without asking ‘Who am I’, life almost feels like a robotic ride.

The self always wants to assert its identity in this world. It feels the need to belong somewhere. We probably end up doing things in life to feel that we matter even if it appear insignificant to many. There is this burning desire within all of us to define ourselves else we feel nothing makes sense in the world.

We relate to everything around us keeping our self as the referential point.

We can’t know ourselves within a day or two, it takes a lifetime. One of the reasons we create connections and build relationships in life is to get to know ourselves better. Many a time other people reflect a part of ourselves. It could be pleasant or unpleasant that is secondary.

Sometimes knowing yourself can be a burden, you would feel more stressed and be more analytical of yourself. The idea is to be more self aware so that your understanding of yourself can help you in managing your life. You just get more adept at handling different situations and people in your life. Sometimes we don’t understand what makes us who we are and what makes us act in a certain way. We keep reacting to our internal self composed of thoughts and emotions all the time in the same way. We don’t understand how to switch those patterns and sometimes it’s self-sabotaging.

We need to understand ourselves in order to create a sense of balance within our own life.

We are scared of knowing ourselves as we would face all our imperfections one by one. But why can’t we create art out of self-knowledge ? In a painting, not every stroke is perfect and yet that’s what makes it so beautiful. So we can use the different experiences of our own lives and our own mental world as hues and strokes to create a self-portrait.

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Wisdom seldom happens

In ancient folklore, an owl always sat on Greek Goddess Athena’s blind side when she couldn’t see the whole truth. An owl has been a symbol of wisdom. When you fail to see the whole picture in a situation, invoke the owl in you to discern and make the right decision for yourself than getting swayed by other illusive forces and temptations.

Oscar Wilde said he can resist anything but temptation. Well wisdom can resist temptation as nothing can ahead beyond what it sees.

Ego always wants us to react to our thought but wisdom ensures we detach ourselves from those crippling thoughts and identify with our core consciousness and inner guidance.

Having a basket of fresh cut vegetables lying idle on a table is much different from actually cooking them or making a palatable salad. Knowledge can get rotten like uncooked vegetables if not used effectively or utilized in an appropriate manner. Either you eat or you cook the vegetables as simply leaving them to rot is a waste of food.

Knowledge needs to applied in a right way for it to even be considered wisdom.

Sometimes the biggest step you can take towards wisdom is realising that you are indeed ignorant and not as knowledgeable as you thought you were.

That acknowledgement itself is an essential key to being wise.

Wisdom is in a way related to humility.

But that sense of being humble comes from a place of inner strength and courage. There is nothing wrong in admitting that you don’t know anything.

Knowing nothing is a form of freedom and you are absolved from having to know everything that you experience.

Admit being a fool to yourself and you will start being wise.

Wisdom is not knowledge. Though knowledge helps you arrive at wisdom but knowledge alone does not guarantee wisdom.

You need not know a lot of things in order to be wise. For me wisdom is related to intuition. Knowing something without giving it much of a thought and analysing things.

Wisdom is not knowing more rather unifying everything you know, finding the common element in seemingly disconnected things.

It is the ability to be more coherent and weed out unnecessary elements from life.

Wisdom knows the difference between reaction and response. Both aren’t the same yet there is a thin line. Reactions are dependent on external stimuli but responses are more driven by a balanced sense of self.

Being foolish comes easily to us as it is driven by impulse but wisdom arises from a long process of being self-disciplined and patient with ourselves.

Wisdom is realising that less is more.

Accumulating more doesn’t necessarily make you richer or more wise. Wisdom is something that you never forget an is rooted in the deepest layers of our inner being. It’s not about what is there in the outer shell of the memory. It is a seed which is sown and takes time to mature and grow. Knowledge is tangible and more visible like a fruit. Wisdom is the subtle element which plays a role in how you apply the knowledge. Even to know whether the fruit is ripe or unripe, requires wisdom. Knowledge which is of no use is as good as not knowing anything.

A set of skills and dispositions that help you choosing what is healthy and unhealthy for you in the long run is wisdom. It is not mechanical, sometimes it works with intuition, and with practice it is easier to tap onto your wisdom. When Einstein said that imagination is more important than knowledge, he was also referring to transcending the intellectual realm and reaching out to that latent wisdom in all of us. Imagination is required for being in touch with our wisdom.

Wisdom is knowledge applied to one’s life not as an intellectual adornment but as a daily and clarified rule for living. Something that awakens us from the lethargy in which we are immersed.

What is essential to your sense of self ? That is wisdom. Wisdom becomes a part of your integral self. Let your field of action be wisdom.

It can never be stagnant, it flows though at a slow pace sometimes unless you learn it harness, it comes forth like a gushing waterfall that washes away your ignorance. It can be an antidote to all your delusions and ignorance.

Wisdom is like a horse that stands and sleeps and is latently active. Once you awaken it, it gallops and takes you along the right direction and in the appropriate speed meant for you.

Going through life without wisdom is like walking barefoot on rugged roads. Wisdom is like a shoe with good sole that would help to traverse uneven terrains in life and maintain your balance thereby preventing you from slipping.

Wisdom is loyal to you irrespective of the circumstances unlike knowledge which only flatters your ego. Wisdom is sometimes about facing the bitter truth and accepting it instead of finding ways to alter the reality as per your expectations.

One golden rule of wisdom is that never be against life rather live in favour it and accept its treacherous currents while making an effort to obtain a clarity of ideas. These ideas will help you navigate the world with success.

Awaken the wisdom that lies buried or beneath your waves of fear and inertia !

Tomboy Vs girly girl

Pink over blues doesn’t matter you can still be a tomboy.

The definition of a tomboy has changed and rather it has become redundant. But to ease the understanding of a woman’s feisty personality we sometimes call them as tomboys.

But my question is will guys who possess feminine traits, then be known as Tomgirls ?

Anyway lets not get there. A woman has layers to her personality owing to her versatility and ability to adapt herself according to the situation.

Guys like a girl who would drink a beer with them rather than appear all holier than thou You don’t have to be a ‘GIRL’ literally to be attractive. Infact 80% of women are tomboys barring a few who feign total girliness to avoid being different and toe in the line.

A girl with a sense of humor and charm.. She likes romance novels and action films as well. She would not hesitate to be aggressive if required and give a piece of her mind to those who need it.

Ia there any rule girly girls can’t like sports ? These days women are dabbling in everything.. maybe the word tomboy was coined when we lived in a society which was totally patriarchal much more than it is today.

You need not like sports yet you would wear only jeans and tee most of the time.

A tomboy knows how to love her guy and take care of him when needed. At the same time she won’t bow down and be submissive to his needs. She will tell him things the way they are and call a spade a spade.

Unlike a girly girl, she won’t be so self conscious. She would be as confident in a checked shirt and jeans as she would feel amazing in a dress.

She won’t take hours to get dressed up at the same time will have the best unique style. She would be neither Betty nor Veronica from Archies. Rather a mish-mash of both. When it comes to her pride she would don Veronica’s shoes and when its about playing the field, and faced by bring it on situation she would transform into Betty.

A troll called Time

I am a whim of that shifty element called time that is inescapable.

It is true that we all operate within the hourglass of our fate. Only difference being some of us have a short expiry date and others a longer duration. The hourglass of life is what we often take for granted. Sometimes we hold onto bygones whereas at other times, we are living in an anticipatory mode.

We fail to fully live in the present. There is this sense of missing out on larger than life things that grips hold of us sometimes.

A French philosopher Gaston Bachelard,

describes time as a paradoxical experience owing to every instant being a giver and a plunderer at the same time. You would recognise this if you open your heart out to love life with its minute details.

Even a traumatic moment offers you wisdom yet takes away a part of you leaving you empty. A death of a close person can be devastating yet humble you down by making you face the insignificance of every human being.

Time is more like a construction of our consciousness.

Tear it down

Van Gogh cut off his left ears in an altercation with one of his friends. He was known to have psychotic episodes. A talented painter going insane and hurting himself seems absurd, isn’t it ?

We all live in self-created delusions. We tend to see things for more than what they are in reality. Sometimes things are only worth their face value. It could also be possible that things are more than what they appear around you.

It’s all about being in sync with life itself.

Dismantle what the heart already knows to find out what it entails. Redefine the morning so that you can uncover a new morning that comes just after darkness.

How do you have a breakthrough in marriage ? Only by plunging into it as by insisting on love we spoil it. We have to get beyond affection and wade mouth-deep into love.

Don’t get lost in counting stars as you must also unlearn the constellations to see the distant wonder. But travelling back towards your childhood will not help.

A poet called Jorge Luis Borges claimed that a city like Rome can be better than itself in the same way the sound of racoon tongues licking the inside walls of the garbage tub is more than the stir of them in the muck of the garbage. The city where you live has everything you need yet just enough to sustain your imagination.

Love is never sufficient. We die and are put into the earth forever while we insist there is still time.

We can have our fill through the wildness of earth’s sweet body to reach the soul encased within our body.

What looks filled to the brim could be empty and what seems like a void could actually be whole by itself.

Your lofty walk among the covetous multitude could be more silent than your own shadow. Think about it !

Life is a battlefield

In modern day scenario, we need tools or weapons that will help us fight the inner combat that we experience in our individual lives. The inner combat that calls for making a decision or managing an expectation or arriving at a conclusion about an event.. We are all warriors in this battlefield called life and we use weapons that are more of inner guides in trying situations to fight against our inner darkness and gain a sense of self and balance.

  • Mental clarity

The key lies in accepting our imperfections, weaknesses, let us say we keep replaying the same incident that happened over and over again which is of no use to us. We cannot choke or hide our weaknesses without diminishing ourselves. If we don’t recognize our faults or weaknesses, we can be taken advantage of without our knowledge. The idea is to notice our downfalls and make them our armor. Find a clear vision and concentrate in order to launch the inner battle. It is important to put our thoughts in order to function in an effective and healthy way. Unless thoughts are in harmony, we can never calm down and allow the mind to play its role and discern devoid of the negative emotions acting as parasites.

  • Knowing how to adapt

The art of inner mastery lies in knowing how to adapt to the changing course of things. Adaptability has got nothing to do with survival per se but also shows the creative dimension of every human being. To adapt to different situations doesn’t mean to submit, but it means we have to find adequate and intelligent means of action with new inner means. We cannot predict how things go and if they don’t turn out to be the way we wanted them to be, then we get tensed and stiffen up. The idea is to let go and relax ourselves enough to adapt to the new evolving things in life. We have to train ourselves to preserve the flexibility of the mind.

To know how to climb

It requires us to diminish the importance we give to what we want and to what we are attached to in an obsessive way.

Whatever makes us all tense and stiff can disappear once we relax.

Embody growth

We often allow our uncreative doing hide the emptiness of loud existence. All that doing doesn’t lead us anywhere only keeps us secure in our delusions.

We forget we need to grow and take change for granted. Who wants to face the deep lurking feeling of void ?

Growth is symbolic of a butterfly emerging out of its chrysalis state.

You need to grow either because you lack something essential or you need something to be added in your life or have to overcome a challenge that is debilitating on your holistic well-being. Very often, there is a realisation that dawns upon us in the nick of time to let go or take action towards things that have gone astray in life such as our health, mindset, lifestyle etc. due to neglect.

The law of inertia is all-pervasive in every aspect of our lives. Sometimes we get so comfortable in sulking and whining and not getting to do anything about our state of mind. It becomes so easy to get pulled into despair over our circumstances.

What are the moments am I likely to regress ?

There are periods of emotional turmoil and there is this feeling of loneliness that just hovers around you. In such situations you can’t help regressing back to your old self and sometimes you are bereft of hope. Anxiety and agitation can take a toll on you and make you do things in haste. Those are the times where you look within instead of reacting everything around you which could create more disturbance.

See the benefit of outgrowing things that don’t fit in your life, don’t serve who you are as a person.

It is always better to acknowledge that it’s easy to slip and fall back as it is quite normal and part of the process related to growth.

The idea is to get comfortable with falling but do get back up.

There is this double incapacity for positive action when you you ignore what is the cause of what’s happening around you and within you.

When you ignore the root cause and act like you are growing, you only become more stagnant.

Do remember that ‘actionless doing’ is what is called for many a time. Aligning with the forces of life without resisting the key changes. Things get done without you acting upon them. Growth becomes difficult when you keep resisting what is meant to change or holding onto aspects of you that aren’t really accelerating the process.

The trick about growth is that you don’t always grow in every dimension of your life. There is an unevenness and which is natural. You could be mature in one realm yet childish in another sphere. Growth is relative and sometimes its only partial and still is a worthwhile endeavour.

The past, present and future mingle together to pull us in different directions, forward and backward. As long as you have a steady sense of self and acknowledge how far you have come and see what it took to reach a long distance, you are fine. We are all made up of layers, cells and constellations which cannot be undone or reconstituted within a jiffy.

Growth takes time. Sometimes it can consume an entire lifetime yet it’s the beginning that matters. You would probably always be at the beginning as it’s about arriving where you already belong. Growth can be a mundane realisation than a life changing epiphany.

It could be more about realising you have everything you need and not all that you think you desired were really meant for your larger good and well-being.

More often, you need to integrate new experiences with old in a coherent manner to give you a harmonious present life.