What am I ?

Sometimes I feel I am nothing more than a vain reflection of myself in the mirror. No it is not depression. It is more like being more grounded than having an inflated sense of self which I find hard to live upto.

We always strive for something beyond our self. Transcending the ego is one of the things we always would like to imbibe. It is more about finding your artistic personality, finding out what your specialty is and honing your craft. The process of knowing yourself is filled with lot of constant effort and disappointment. It isn’t something glamorous and definitely needs a little courage to face those inner demons. It is easy to write an essay about the glorified version of yourself but it is difficult to actually invest time knowing yourself. How do you know you are being truthful about yourself in an essay ?

You can start with your temperament. Like being honest with yourself about what kind of inborn nature you have since childhood.. something that is hard to change about yourself. I have a dreamy nature and love escaping into another world. I always have a hard time facing reality. I can be grounded yet there is an essence of this other worldliness that I like to carry with me wherever I am or go.

The ‘I’ factor is very important in our lives as we always insist on having an identity or associate everything that happens with us.

We should matter in this life and world. Without asking ‘Who am I’, life almost feels like a robotic ride.

The self always wants to assert its identity in this world. It feels the need to belong somewhere. We probably end up doing things in life to feel that we matter even if it appear insignificant to many. There is this burning desire within all of us to define ourselves else we feel nothing makes sense in the world.

We relate to everything around us keeping our self as the referential point.

We can’t know ourselves within a day or two, it takes a lifetime. One of the reasons we create connections and build relationships in life is to get to know ourselves better. Many a time other people reflect a part of ourselves. It could be pleasant or unpleasant that is secondary.

Sometimes knowing yourself can be a burden, you would feel more stressed and be more analytical of yourself. The idea is to be more self aware so that your understanding of yourself can help you in managing your life. You just get more adept at handling different situations and people in your life. Sometimes we don’t understand what makes us who we are and what makes us act in a certain way. We keep reacting to our internal self composed of thoughts and emotions all the time in the same way. We don’t understand how to switch those patterns and sometimes it’s self-sabotaging.

We need to understand ourselves in order to create a sense of balance within our own life.

We are scared of knowing ourselves as we would face all our imperfections one by one. But why can’t we create art out of self-knowledge ? In a painting, not every stroke is perfect and yet that’s what makes it so beautiful. So we can use the different experiences of our own lives and our own mental world as hues and strokes to create a self-portrait.


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