The unkempt you (Weekly blog challenge)

There is a Hindi film song which says Hone Do dil ko Fanaa… which means let the heart become ecstatic…  let the ecstasy destroy you.. whats the big deal ? That is life in authentic terms..

 

I’m an incoherent lunatic who thinks she is this fantastic writer that was ever born. There you go. Radical authenticity elucidation.. okay I don’t always sound insane. I mostly make sense but I just have too many things to say that they all react together to produce an assortment of unfathomable things.

They seem like there is no connection from one thought to another. But there is an inexplicable connection indeed. Being authentic can sometimes make you look like you have totally lost it. But those who know you and can be as crazily real as you would know how blissful it is to be so ‘Real’.

Being real is an honor which the world often doesn’t reward. The real prize is your freedom and the sense of belonging to yourself and nothing else in the world.

It is a risk to be authentic. To be or not to be. A risk which can make you open to criticism and judgements yet thou shall be what you are no matter what. No matter whatever happens in tour life, if you stop being yourself, there is no point in living.
I feel unusually depressed offlate. A confession. I have a feeling that Im not being myself completely out of the fear of getting hurt. There is something in me which is pulling me back from experiencing life to the whole. I don’t know what it is. The thing that protects me also is the biggest curse of my happiness. The thing is fear and resistance. Resistance to change.

There are many deep seated insecurities within me. Whatever I fear usually happens in some form or the other.. The need to be perfect and say the right thing keeps me from being completely authentic. Sometimes I feel maybe I am fake. I am not the one whom I think I am. I always felt I am totally different from everyone. Maybe I was always the same as everyone. In a bid to be different from the rest I have made a fool of myself so many times and in the end have come across as a laughing riot.
I have hurt my soul.

What happens when you die ? You stop being human. You are a soul.
I just read something right now. It’s the most authentic thing I ever read and the energy in my fingers is trying to reach out to the collective energy of all you writers and bloggers here in WordPress.
Michel Singer’s book The Untethered Soul has a line which says you are conscious and you are experiencing what it is like to be human. That like caught my attention and I felt a pricky sensation. I felt as if Im just energy and my skin is a medium so that the flux can flow through it.

Who am I ? Am I the girl who is writing this blog ? Or am I someone else who claims to be a blogger but hardly knows the ‘W’ of writing. Am I someone who wants to show off in WordPress that she can write ? Am I writing for pleasure or for seeking attention ?

Identity fatigue isn’t a new concept. I always felt there is a fissure between the self I portray to others and the self that I keep only to myself when Im alone.
This fatigue has actually many a time overtaken my happiness. It has deterred me from being myself. I get scared when experience a sensation that is out of my grasp. Let us say : the moment I start getting attached to someone or start caring for them.
Its not easy to be radically authentic in a world which is getting emotionally drained out with every passing day. Intensity scares people off. If you show tour real self to the world, you are branded as insane. If you don’t and appear self-guarded then you are blamed to be politically correct.

A guy calls you unromantic simply because you withhold your emotions. The moment you start opening up to him and start being yourself with him, he starts being evasive and avoids you. One final day, he says I didn’t feel the connect with you. He severs all possible way of connection and acts so indifferent and cold that you lose faith in the value for emotions.

In short, it is hypocrisy that comes in the way of radical authenticity. The problem came when I expected people to acknowledge me for my authenticity. Why should they ? I am real for the sake of my own self. It isn’t to show others that I need to lauded for being authentic.

People who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind what you say or the way you are. This popular saying goes all the way to explain this concept of being authentic.
Don’t feign anything. Impressions are best reserved for professional purposes.
Human interactions and bonding need the real ‘you’
You won’t feel connected to anyone if you suppress your true self. It might cause you pain and a fee may run away from you when you exhibit your true self. But the ones who stay back with you are the people who treasure your authenticity.

Advertisements

28 thoughts on “The unkempt you (Weekly blog challenge)

  1. Raj Krishna

    great posts..i guess you are filled with lots of questions..if possible then visit nptel phase2 indian philosophy link..there you could see IIT Madras lecture on indian philosphy..its too good and it may answer your some questions..

  2. You do write well. And you express yourself in the most authentic way. Let me extend my congratulations to you. Welcome to the world of the unkempt and the confused! Your seemingly ‘insanity’ leads you to the right place. There are a lot of unkempt souls here. I for one, is a member of the club. Just keep writing and be not afraid of what you are about to say with regards to yourself and your thoughts. It is a way of getting to know your self more. The more you express, the more you discover the hidden gifts you have inside you. Let me end with the words of one enlightened individual, “When you are the most confused, then you are the most enlightened; for the confusion is the force that pushes you to get enlightenment.”

  3. Advaita, You write with much feeling. You have much to express, but as all of us, you have certain fears and insecurities that come along with that need to express yourself. Let me assure you, you are in the right place in terms of a writing platform. WordPress is a very supportive community worldwide. I have received so much positive and encouraging feedback from great writers all around the globe. I would encourage you to read as many of them as possible. Writing is not easy. It is something we must nurture and develop daily. Eventually we find our “voice” along the way. I would encourage you to take risks and put yourself out there for others to see. At the same time, learn to draw from other writers that you read, in order to incorporate the things you identify with into your own writing. Pace yourself and don’t get too overwhelmed. Write from your experience with the knowledge you are unique and try to put a bit of your uniqueness into everything you write. From there, you will find not only your own “voice” but your own style as well. I look forward to reading your words. Peace and Love, Phil

  4. David K

    Great writing and expression. And a common dilemma for many people, if not all creative people. So you’re definitely not alone! After all, we’re exposing who we are in the process and that can feel very emotional. But don’t stop being authentic in writing (or in life). Keep writing with honesty and you’ll soon discover a style that is comfortable for you. I look forward to reading more. 🙂

  5. I did love this post… I felt like I could relate to it. I totally feel you when you say people are afraid of intensity…. I wish people would not be so afraid of emotion. I have been feeling a lot less of my crazy loving self lately… but reading your post makes me feel like its time to embrace whoever you are, you know? Thank you for that. And I do like the song 🙂

  6. MarcusW

    I can relate entirely… here is something I wrote a few years ago… please excuse the essay of a comment! You are what you are, but you won’t be forever. People’s minds evolve and grow. Well, most do, anyway. Take care! And keep writing! 😉

    “I am what I am, I am I am” – Popeye

    It is my opinion that he failed to factor in perceptions. Although I am undoubtedly what I am and essentially that’s all there is, it is likely the case that I’m not what you initially think I might be but rather what you would not expect I could be; in reality what I am is an enigma unto myself; incapable of objective understanding, much in the same way that blue, as a colour, is not aware it is blue, but it exists no less and is no less pleasing, or perhaps repugnant, from the perspective of an external observer. To borrow, incorrectly for sure, from Sartre: what I am, and who I am, I am entirely, for I know not any alternate way of being and yet, despite the impossibility of being something I’m not, at first glance I can appear in a manner seemingly contrary to that in which I would appear to appear under closer inspection, and yet with that said, under closer inspection you may experience misdirection of perception through observation of the mediation of my subconscious self via my conscious self which can result in a outward appearance befitting of someone other than myself and yet fitting in an obscure manner much like, or should I say exactly like, the way that only reality in itself can unfold as it really is, for unreality is the state of that which is not, therefore ‘not really’ is not ‘not really’ but in reality, it is real, for once a thing or action is, it is in fact more real than the alternate potential reality that one claims to be the norm yet has not, or does not transpire, and it is by this very state, that by acknowledging the power afforded to perceptions, given that personal perception is subjective reality, we can safely say that what is not usually, or not really, is really and what is claimed to be normal is more accurately described as abnormal or even untrue in that given moment, as according to the perception of the observer, is the ‘abnormal’ that is manifest while the ‘normal’ lays dormant; however, should this pattern be repetitive, it stands to reason that either the understanding of our definitions is flawed or possibly that our definition of understanding is unsuitable in relation to the personal paradigm of one’s self, if in fact it is even possible to understand one’s self. One can say, “I understand myself”, but it does not make it true. One can say, “I think I understand myself”, but it is not the self we understand, it is the image of the self; a residual trace of individuality formed through the culmination of sensory input combined with the amalgamation of countless interactions with other selves; ‘the Yous’ that eventually form the Me, for we are a product of our experiences and out interactions.

    Is it true that I am what I am?

    To extent yes, I am what I am. But what am I?

    What I am, is an individual in so much as I am not you, or should I say you alone. In reality, what I am is a product of everyone else I have ever interacted with.

    I am a bit of you, and you are a bit of me.

    I am not myself but rather, I am everyone else I know and have ever known.

  7. I loved your honesty, its good to be different, most of us on here are what some would call different. Keep writing from the heart and let it flow. You may find it easier if you write about one thing at a time. Your post is exciting and the words and topics all tumble out 🙂 If you take one subject at a time you may begin to understand yourself better and find the direction you want to go.

    Love your writing and will definitely look you up again. Elaine 🙂

  8. Yes, being authentic is a risk. A risk worth taking though. I mean, why live a second-hand life when you can be an original?
    There are many thoughts in this piece. I can see they all came together at the same time, and the piece seemed to ramble. Perhaps, you can devote a separate piece to each of these ideas.

  9. Looking at all the warm responses you have got I don’t know what else to say. they have covered everything😁…your honesty is what makes you stand out. Great writing!

  10. Dear Advaita,
    This is an excellent post. Setting an identity, the thought of the necessity of setting an identity, coming up with boundaries, and many other items like these overwhelm us. You have a strong writing style. Hope to read more and more of your articles.

    Thank you!

    Settlers, Settle in El Paso team 🙂

  11. Manish

    Hello advaita!Great post and i am very happy that you are getting some cool responses from readers…keep it up dear.
    Happy writing😊

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s