There are some women who can change the lens of a microscope easily but can’t change a baby’s diaper. Motherhood is a title worthy of much respect and adoration but to face the truth not every woman is cracked up to be a parent. It takes a lot of patience, time, dedication and love to raise a child. There are women who are willing to give up a lot for the sake of a bundle of joy. But we shouldn’t judge those who aren’t eager to do so. Not wanting to be a mother is definitely not selfish on a woman’s part, it her personal privilege. The sole purpose in a woman’s life needn’t be to bear and raise a child.
Not everyone’s cup of tea
Who said motherhood is a must for every woman? Let us admit the fact, not all women are meant to be mothers. If a woman does not want to have a child, there is nothing wrong in it. It is million times better not to have a child than have one anddon’t nurture it well. These days women are being frank enough if they don’t want to have children, they no more give in to societal pressures. They are all set to break the stereotype that motherhood completes a woman.
Janani Narasimhan, married, says that not wanting to have a child doesn’t make her a magical unicorn or a freak of nature. “It makes me a woman who understands her priorities. Thanks to my husband for being supportive of my decision. I wasnot and can never be that kind of woman who totes around burping babies and calmly puts up with toddler tantrums. I am not going to have any miraculous epiphany suddenly one day about my womanly childbearing duties that a typical society expects one to have.”
She further stresses, “I’ve always been independent, like to cook when I want, organize things the way I want and go to places I like. I can’t put my entire life on hold for a baby. I like being spontaneously able to go and do fun things with friends, family or relatives. These are things that seem to vanish into thin air when children come into play.”
Not being a mother isn’t heartless
Just because a girl in a marriage does not want to be a mother or does not have any ambition to be so in the future when she marries, it doesn’t mean she is not loving and caring. She values human life enough to see that she does not have children on an impulse and later not give due care to them. Who said a woman is cold-hearted if she is not fond of kids? One can like kids but one needs to be immensely in love with them to have that urge to go through the labour of having a kid and nurturing it lifelong.
Motherhood is a choice these days; it is no more a requisite. Some women just don’t feel the need to pass on their genes when already there so many unwanted children on this earth. If motherhood is really a lifelong bond, then why are there abandoned kids? Isn’t it better to decide not to have a kid when one knows their inadequacy than to have one and discard it? Having a child is a lifelong commitment, if somebody is not sure of it, she might as not well have it. When you are responsible for another human being, you need to weigh the pros and cons of having a child and this is the one of the concerns those womenfolk who don’t want children have in general.
Sometimes women just don’t have the time to devote to kids, in such cases they refrain from having them. This could be due to their career, financial constraints,lifestyle or a busy social life. Anjana Raman says “Parenting can be a great joy for a woman but is best if entered into voluntarily, not under a compulsion. I chose not to have kids as I knew I will never be able to give them that care and devotion.
There are women who like kids but prefer to be a doting aunt and a good friend rather than a mother. At the end of the day I want to say goodbye to kids. I can’t babysit them all the time. I love spending time with them but not on a permanent basis which motherhood demands. Even though I am good with kids, I am not a motherly person as such and I set out to marry a man who absolutely has no qualms about this.”
Women who don’t miss out on having children seem to think that unnecessary sacrifice in the motherhood only stifles their individual selves. Besides there is no obligation on the part of a woman to make her life always about somebody else.
Such women only believe that kids deserve to be raised by those adults who proactively want to have them. Making choices centering on a woman’s needs and desires isn’t selfish.
“Women with no kids are not emotionally stunted or inadequately grown-up. To me they are mature enough to not buckle under social pressure and choose a life that’s right for them. ” remarks Usha Rani, a single lady in her forties.
She elaborates that “the increased visibility and acceptance of women who choose not to have children is just one part of a social evolution away from the limited ‘conventional family model’. Such a choice takes us into a world where women with a diversity of needs can create family arrangements that work exclusively forthem. This trend heralds a progressive society and family system.”
A woman should always be in an environment in which she feels most comfortable. Whether she wants to be a mother or not is her unquestionable prerogative.